Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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