Already got asked if we're dating
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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