Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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