How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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