Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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