Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
