I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
