porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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