Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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