i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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