So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
