I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
