hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
