Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
