I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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