what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
