his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
