yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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