It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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