I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
