Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
