wanna go halves on a baby?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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