dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
