Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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