Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
