Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
