Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
