we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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