Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
