Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
