I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
