Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
