im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
