I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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