He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
