I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
