We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
