Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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