it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
