all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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