new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize