It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
