Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
