a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
