Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
