ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
