You can't special order awesome
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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