it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize