she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
