Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So many bounce houses so little time
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
