it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
