I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
