happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
