I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
