Will you blow on my dice?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
