just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
