i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize