Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm having to shit out rocks
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
