Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
