I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
