She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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