I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
