I think my fart just growled at me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
