The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
