I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
