Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
