I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
