she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
