I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
