Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
