why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
