You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
