and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
