Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
