so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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