When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
