Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
