if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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