it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
