Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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