3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
