You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
