FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
