Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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