So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Say something about gay babies.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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