Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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