She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
