Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize