I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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