Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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