She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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