you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
