I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize