Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
this hospital has no fireball
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
